Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Recovering Wisely

It's been a little less than a year since the above picture was taken.  It was right after my first 50k, the Trail Factor 50k.  My body had never been so sore after a race except maybe my first Boston Marathon in 2004.  Both times left me hobbling around like an old lady for a good solid week.  And both times, I knew not to even try to run for a good couple weeks.  As my friend Jenn reminded me the other day, even if I do start feeling better after a few days, my muscles are still repairing!  If we do too much too soon after big races like these, it's a recipe for INJURY and a broken down UNHAPPY body.  Here's to respecting the body!  I haven't gotten up to my favorite mountain lake yet (still too much snow) but I am sitting back in the sunshine and enjoying this time to NOT run.  I'm way too excited about running right now to push too soon and then end up not running at all this summer.  In a couple weeks, I'll likely just have started running lightly again while also getting outside to swim, paddle board, and soak up the mountain sunshine by the lake!  Then in July, I'll start marathon training for Twin Cities Marathon with the guidance of one of my favorite runners-- a woman I greatly respect and know I work well with!  Excited to write more on that soon.

It's been 4 days since running the Smith Rock Ascent 50k.  And every one of these four days, despite being tired and sore, I've felt so happy!  So grateful to have the gift of running.  I've always been happy to run but this time feels different.  This race wasn't about time or racing others.  It was about the EXPERIENCE and meeting myself where I was in each moment of my experience.  When I think of these 31 something miles from start to finish, I think how lucky I feel to have a strong body and mind  and the privilege it is to GET to be out there running in nature for so many hours....

... Running FREE.  No music.  Not many people around.  Just dirt, endless views, an open blue sky, and myself with a few kind strangers along the way to help me through.

There's something huge to be said about running these trails for so long.... the journey of taking in every mile and staying mindful and present with our steps.  Although it leaves you feeling sore, beat up physically and depleted of energy, it sure does fill you up on a mental and spiritual level!!

There have been many times where I've finished long races and sworn I didn't want to do another for a long time. But this time?  I can only smile and feel excited for MORE!  I like this place. I want to stay here for awhile because it sure is nice to be back.  So, for this,  I WILL RECOVER WISELY! I will respect this one body I have been gifted!

Thankful for Running and Nature and meeting ourselves where we are in our moments!

Can't wait to get back here for the best kind of recovery!  

Plan for Recovery and Maintaining Base til July:

  • Two weeks of NO Running.  If I feel like getting exercise, I will walk, swim, dance,  go to yoga, or do any other number of activities that involve getting outside and staying active.  
  • After two weeks, I will run lightly by feel.  I will start fitting in 3-4 days of aerobic type runs that keep me in a good easy zone without any plan other than what my body feels good with.  
  • Lots of getting outside to enjoy nature during this beautiful time of year... paddle boarding, hiking, swimming, rafting, cycling (if my friend Corie will agree to take me along for one of her recovery rides), maybe some weight lifting for my arms and I just might have to get a mountain bike and get out there on the trails on wheels instead of feet.  Really, so so many ways to cross train!  
Intentions for these next few weeks:
  • Soak up this beautiful spring/early summer weather!
  • Seek out the Joy in each day! Not hard to do but does take some reminders on my part to not let little annoyances (like messy rooms, fighting kids, busy schedules, etc.) as a mother cause me to lose sight of the fact that I truly am living the life I've always wanted at this point in life.  It's up to me to stop and embrace it while it's HERE!!   This is the last year I have where all three of my kids are in ONE school.  It's been one of the happiest years I've had yet and so much of that has to do with my outlook and mindset.  I'm savoring these days!  
  • Bring joy to my job as a teacher.  Every time I get antsy to go back full time, I remind myself of how much I really do love my schedule right now with working 2-3 days a week and having the other days to focus on other things.  It's easy to get caught up in the "what's next?!" and thinking I need to keep climbing some ladder... a ladder that leads to where?  For what?  I'm happy right in this spot for now and as long as I keep checking in with myself about where I'm at and why I'm making the choices I am, I think I'll continue to be in my just right place for me!  A friend said something the other day about "shooting for the moon" and I realized more than ever, that I did shoot for the moon as I encourage my kids to do... we all have different ideas of what our moon is.  I've found mine for now.  :) 
  • Tell those in my tribe how much I love them.  Goodness knows, we won't like everyone and not every friend is a friend for life, but when we do get to a place in life where we know who our people are... the ones that are there through thick and thin even when you mess up or aren't always your best self... it's a good idea to not take them for granted.  

Here's to a Happy Wednesday and a Wise Recovery!  

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Smith Rock Ascent 50k: Reflections and Photos.

Thirty one miles is a long way to run.  Thirty one miles on mountain trails with steep ascents and descents on a hot day in the high desert feels even longer.  I'm not entirely sure what made me want to sign up for another 50k after my first one last May where I said I'd never do another.  We runners are kind of weird like that.  I think I was in one of those moods where I wanted a challenge.  I wanted something to work towards or look forward to but I wasn't ready to train for another road marathon.  I'd heard good things about this 50k.  I'd even written about it for Go Beyond Racing in this post: Visit Central Oregon for Mother's Day Weekend.  After running a couple of the races that Go Beyond puts on (my first 50k, the Trail Factor 50k and the Smith Rock Half Marathon), I knew this trail race would not disappoint.  So, one random mid week evening, I asked my husband  if he wanted to do a 50k in May.  He said "Sure! Why not? Sign us up!"  So I did.  That's how it went.

From there, we both started off with kind of following a plan from a trail running book but by week two, we were simply running when we felt like it and making time for longer runs on most weekends. Very loose training! More than ever before.  Our long runs weren't really according to a "proper" training plan but we still fit in a few 17, 19, and 20 milers.  I ran two 21 milers but my second was a week before this race yesterday so I'm pretty sure it did more harm than good. It was good for my mental game though! Then, since there wasn't a logical training plan, there wasn't a true taper. Really, this race was more like another long run. Exactly as I wanted.  From the start, I knew this would be a race that I wasn't going into with the intentions of competing (with my self or others).  It was a race I wanted to run for the experience.  Finishing and taking it all in with gratitude was my number one goal!  Goal accomplished!  With that being said, I much prefer being in the kind of fitness that allows me to perform a bit better.  I think next time, I want to be more prepared for this kind of thing.  I'm not sure I like the feeling of being out there and feeling depleted with a good half of the race left to go!

My body and brain are TIRED right now.  Every time I try to write something about this race that flows, I get stuck.  So, for the purpose of getting something written, I'm going to do some random bullet points:

  • It was HOT.  At least for a trail race with very little shade.  I think the high was 79 degrees.  
  • This course was beautiful.  I've often said I don't find this area so pretty since I much prefer lush forests with lots of trees to the high desert canyon type terrain found at Smith Rock.  However, I ran on all new trails with climbs that led to gorgeous views!  
  • Such a well supported race!  There were 4 fully stocked aid stations throughout the course and all the volunteers were beyond helpful.  
  • I love this sport of ultra trail racing (although I think 50k is the longest I will ever go).  So much love, support and compassion among the runners out there.  If it weren't for a few of them, I'm not sure what I would have done.  The race is all very blurry to me at this point even though it's only been since yesterday but somewhere between the second aid station at mile 12 and the third at mile 19.4, I started hurting pretty badly.  By mile 20, my back was cramping and I was doing good to walk/hike/barely run for the next 6 miles to the last aid station.  Along the way, I met a man who helped me out so much.  He was having a hard day too and having someone to walk with me and talk to me helped a TON! At mile 25 I threw everything up.  This was scary and relieving all at once.  Scary because I was already light headed, thirsty and cramping.  Before we even got to the next aid station, someone from medic was running down to find me after hearing from another person that I might need help.  Also, when my back was cramping up around mile 19ish, a man who passed made sure to tell his wife and kids to look for me when I came by.  I was brought to tears at all the support.  As soon as the woman told me her husband was in the race and asked her to check on me, there was no holding back the tears.  She gave me a couple fruit strips and I was on my way.  
  • I learned more than ever what it means to be ok with one foot in front of the other!  When I was walking, I was still moving and this was getting me closer to the finish.  I did what I could with what I had.  I gave my all!  No doubts about that!  I walked when I had to (some parts of the course there was no choice) and ran when I could.  
  • This race was HUMBLING!  I don't like the feeling of running a race like this without having trained my best.  I don't like the feeling of having women 10 years older than me (but much much fitter) fly passed me and up the hill in the last half of the race.  I did my best yesterday, yes. But I didn't like how it felt to be unprepared. At the same time, since I had no real expectations, I was ok with it.  I never felt like I was fighting myself.  Always like I was right there with myself...running within.  Grateful to be out there.  Grateful to GET to push myself in this way!  
  • I learned a lot from this experience!  I think my next post or journal for myself will be reflecting on the lessons I learned... about myself, this sport, and life.  
  • Yesterday, I found myself start to say "This was the hardest race I've ever run." or something to that tune.  However, when I really think about it, that's not true.  This was the longest and most challenging course I've ever run for sure!  But not the hardest I've pushed myself on a physical level.  I can think of a handful of marathons where I trained hard and went in with a goal and pushed myself so hard to the very end.  The kind of hard where I had to dig deep in a way I never got to yesterday.  This 50k was hard in a different way.  But I knew at any time during the race that I was ok with taking my time at aid stations, walking, standing, stretching...taking my TIME!  It wasn't about pushing forward for the sake of a time on the clock.  A different kind of hard for sure.
  • Where was my head during this race?  You know, I think I was truly in my moment for almost all of this race!  Very little thought about anything else...future or past.  When I really think about this, this is what makes this kind of thing so INCREDIBLE!  6 plus hours of mindful moving meditation of sorts!  In my moment!  There were a few spots where I'd start thinking about life or some issue and I'd instantly come back to where I was... my breath, footing, the gorgeous earth surrounding me!  
  • Side stitches.  Oh boy, I hate these.  I got one that wouldn't go away for several miles.  So frustrating because there really isn't much you can do other than slow down and breath them out.   
  • I did really good at fueling!  I choked down Honey Stinger gels, made sure to eat and drink plenty at aid stations and drank a lot!  My favorite thing at the aid stations?  Pickles!!!  Oh my, pickles have never tasted so good!!  
  • At the third aid station, mile 19.4, I knew I was in trouble for burning up my leg energy somewhat between aid station one and two.  I was flying down the hills and having fun... and being STUPID.  I have one 7:4x mile in there on a flatter portion.  Stupid, I know.  At mile 19 I was chugging coke and ginger ale ...another thing I've never tried during a race but OH, MY, this was GOOOOOOD and hit the spot!!! As I was stuffing my face, I laughed at the song playing by Nine Inch Nails with the lyrics:  
You're going to get what you deserve
Bow down before the one you serve
You're going to get what you deserve.
  • Yup, I got what I deserved.  I should know better than to not be super conservative in a race like this.  I paid for it.  And maybe the gummy bears mixed with the coke might have had something to do with throwing up at mile 25?  ha!  
If you look closely down below, you can see the switchbacks we ran for our first ascent.  This was taken from the mile 29 spot.  

So hard (impossible) to do this image justice.  After I started that last 5 mile stretch toward the finish, I felt so grateful for the support and nutrients that replenished my body and mind.  After walking for a good 6/7 miles from 19 to 26, and then fueling up at the last aid station, I felt energized to run again but had to stop and take this picture to capture my moment in the last stretch.  Lovely day!  Hard work!  Humbling!  Glad to GET to do this!  

  • At the mile 26 aid station, after walking for lots of miles, I made sure to fuel up adequately.  I spent a good five minutes getting down what I could.  A man helped pour water on my had and showed me  how to bite the salt tablets to get the salt in my body quicker.  At that point, I knew I had 5 miles left and most of it down.  I had it! 
  • The first few miles out from the last aid station were the prettiest parts of the entire course!!  I was actually running again and feeling good!  My mile pace creeped down to the single digits again and I knew I was going to do this!  This was the only place I stopped to take a picture.  Time wasn't an issue so why not?!
  • Miles 29-the finish were BRUTAL!  Ugh!  Steep steep down hill for a good mile.  So much that my quads felt like they were going to burn right off.  Then a flatter stretch with no relief due to being so tired and the final .25ish was up up up up to the top of the canyon.  OUCH!  

Love this man!  My partner in all things LIFE.  

Well earned Fresh Squeezed IPA at the finish.  Took awhile to be able to keep anything down  but once I could, this plus sunshine, good tunes, great company, and gorgeous views made for a happy afternoon.  
  • I was a mix of feelings to be done.  On one hand, I was deeply relieved.  At the same time, I was so depleted, and my body hurt!  It was a very uncomfortable feeling until I took care of myself.  
  • The finish line is in such a cool spot of grass off the trail... overlooking the scenic canyon of Smith Rock State Park!  As soon as I crossed, I came onto the lawn with a group of runners and their families who were already finished.  Renee, one of the race organizers, gave me a big hug and congrats... along with handing me my awesome finisher pint glass (so much better than a medal IMO). Then a fellow runner came to get my glass and filled it with ice water.  Again, such support!  Before I even had food, I grabbed ice to rub all over my legs.  Otherwise, I knew I would hurt so much more over the next few days.  Then, when I could, I ate a huge burrito and relaxed on the grass with everyone else.  
  • I guess I should say my finish time even though time wasn't an issue.  I know that's really all people read these things for anyway, right?  Ha!  6:22!  I'll take it! And I'll remind my ego what my intentions were with this run... I did exactly what I said I would and for that, I am happy.  It's a good hour slower than my last 50k but I am in a much different place with fitness.  What's funny to think is:  I essentially ran an entire school day for my kids!  This was how I put it in perspective for them:  Mommy ran for as long as you are at school... including lunch break!  
  • I'm so glad to have a husband that loves these adventures as much as I do.  A perfect partner for me.  We didn't run this race together (I ran ahead and finished only 20 min or so before him) but we did celebrate together.  And experience together.  Here's to many more trail running adventures for both of us!  
  • Even though our daughter was performing in a big musical in town, we were in no rush to move out of there too quickly.  We still made it back home in time to eat, shower, and make it to the theater performance! Before leaving, we enjoyed a couple of Fresh Squeezed IPAs from Deschutes Brewery, along with music, open blue skies and glorious sunshine!  All but the blue skies and sunshine put on by Go Beyond Racing!  I WILL for sure do another one of their races!!  And if you are looking for a first or next trail race, you can't go wrong with their races.  

Will I do this race again?  I think so.  Next time, however, I will go more prepared!  

Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful Mothers out there!  I love this day for so many reasons!  


Friday, May 6, 2016


"If am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?"
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." 
-Maya Angelou

Last night I ran in the rain.  I dropped the kids off at practice and I did something I used to do daily: I ran in the spring rain.  Rain storms are actually rare for this dry high desert climate.  When I lived  in Portland, I was sick of rain because it would sometimes not stop raining for what felt like months on end.  The rain last night was refreshing and comforting.  I breathed in the cool air and felt the rain fall down... with each step, I felt GLAD to be ALIVE.  To be ME.  To feel strong and free.  And to know I have a voice... in telling my story and sharing my heart.  

I took the above picture last night.  Looking into the camera, happy and hopeful for my 50k this weekend.  My eyes say a lot here.  Content.  Grateful.  Hopeful.  Secure. Relieved.  When I cropped the picture like this on accident at first, I decided to keep it... it reminds me of how we see people in life.  
We really only ever see parts of the people in our lives.  
If we're lucky, we get close to loving and knowing another as completely as we possibly can as separate human beings.  And if we are really lucky, we get to love and know ourselves completely. 
When I was out there running in the rain, it was pretty clear to me how lucky I am.  
To love and be loved.  ... as completely as I can imagine.   


No more Project Begin Again.  Wednesday was day 38.  But you know, I think I just might keep writing!  This time, with a new voice.  

  • My husband and I will run the hardest race we've ever run on Saturday!  Tomorrow??! Holy Crap, it's tomorrow!  The Smith Rock 50k.  I've never run the full course.  I have only run at Smith Rock once.  I have no idea what I'm in for other than HARD. And undertrained.  But you know, I am confident I can cover 31 plus miles... even if I hike and walk and shuffle.  Really, the goal is to ENJOY!  Stop, smell the roses.  Oh wait, this is really dry high desert terrain.  There will be no roses or trees or green.  Open rocky canyons with nothing but blue sky and sunshine above.  Please let it stay somewhat cool for morning hours.  Please!  
  • My voice.  My voice and vulnerability to tell my stories even when fear tells me to stuff them. 
  • Running!  Thank you running... for all you add to my life.  
  • I'm excited, truly excited, to train properly for the Twin Cities Marathon!  I haven't been excited about following a plan and training with structure for a long time.  At least not an excited that lasts and helps me stick to a plan.  I've definitely needed this last stretch to be really loose and free with my running... the What Do I Feel Like Running Today?  Plan.  Seasons, right?  
  • My family.  Through and Through.  Last night we all cuddled on the couch to watch past episodes of our favorite show Survivor.  This is my favorite time with all of them where we are wrapped up in each other, sharing in something we all enjoy. Grateful for them.... more than I could ever say.  

  • Run Happy tomorrow!  I GET to run a 50k on trails with my husband.  Run/Walk/Hike SMART and happy.  Take in the beauty around me and be mindful and present with each of my miles.  Stay within.  
  • Continue to write my heart as it comes.